If you do not advocate/stand up for yourself, no one else will. So, from a very young age my husband and I taught our children to advocate for themselves and learned a few extra tidbits along the way. For kids with food allergies and medical issues they need to know what they can and cannot eat. They need to know what’s good for them, what they need, and what they don’t need from adults or those around them- including their friends.

Let’s face it, even most adults don’t really understand food allergies. They might think they understand. You might trust that people get it and know how important it is to keep your child safe. Unfortunately however, you might hear them still say things like, “it’s only a little bit it can’t hurt you.”

SCARIEST SHIT EVER for a food allergy parent to hear!

It is because of situations like these, your child needs to know to stand up for themselves. They NEED to know how and when to say, “No, thank you. I can’t have that, it will make me sick.” Now don’t get me wrong- there can be a fine line between advocating for yourself and being disrespectful.  Which is a completely different topic. But don’t let your kids run around being little assholes because someone offered them a food that wasn’t safe for them. There still is merit behind, “it’s the thought that counts.”

Another reason to teach self-advocacy and have an Epi-pen plan in place that THEY KNOW; you can’t make other people change their ways.  People are going to eat what they want, when they want, and honestly sometimes forget that your kid can’t eat certain things. Not everyone washes their hands as often as they should- GROSS, I know.  But let’s take peanuts for example. Not everyone is going to stop eating peanuts because you can’t have them. Peanuts are a part of life. People eat them all the time. Hell, they still hand them out on airplanes.  You may go into the store to go shopping, unknowingly grab a cart after someone that was eating a peanut butter sandwich used it. Life is full of surprises. Have a plan and teach it to your kid.

Another point of self-advocacy is at school. School age children usually have their parents as a buffer between them and staff.  But you know, as well as I know, we can’t always be there to hover over and protect our children 24 hours a day. Life goes on – we have other kids, husbands, work, errands to run – we aren’t available, even by phone, at any given moment! This is real life people. Hence, why your child needs to know what they can and cannot eat. Your child may have great teachers at school. You may have given them ALL the research and paperwork to read and understand your child. But people forget stuff. We are not robots. We do not have photogenic memories. We’re HUMAN. You may say, “But we have a 504 plan in place. They can’t do that. They know better, Etc.” Even with a 504 plan or an IEP, does not 100%, in real, life cover your child.  For instance, and yes this really happened at my son’s old school:

A teacher brought in donuts as a class surprise. Very thoughtful in all honesty. But she forgot that my son had food allergies.  She says to him, “It’s only a little bit. Try a bite and see if it makes you sick. If it does, then you don’t have to eat anymore.” SERIOUSLY?!?!? Yes this happened.

Like I said before, there is a fine line between disrespecting an adult and standing up for yourself. But in cases like this- they need to be strong enough to say that it’s not a good idea.  My son has many of times given in to this very same pressure because of the mindset, “that’s an adult I’m supposed to listen to them.” Which we also teach as parents. But we have learned better and had to tweak our parenting style a bit. You do not listen to the adults when you know it’s going to hurt you. Teach your child to self-advocate, to stand up for themselves, and tell the teacher, principal, parent, or friend, whoever – “No, I cannot eat that, I cannot touch that, I will get sick.” Make sure they have enough courage to do so, and let them know that God forbid they get in trouble for self-advocating, you will be there to back them up, no matter what.